Today began as any other day does. Me, barely dragging through the day with no motivation and my oldest daughter screaming at me because I was brushing her hair. Although, in every other way, she is the golden child who obeys and helps me immensely, her one downfall is having her hair brushed. It is a fight every single day. One where I’m trying to get knots out and she is screaming so loudly, I truly believe I am going to go deaf or the neighbors are going to call the cops on me…Over brushing hair as gently as humanly possible. We have bought special brushes, gave her my phone to play on while I brush it to distract her, use hair detangler, one day I dumped coconut oil in it to help, all to no avail. She still screams and has one sensitive scalp.
During today’s hair-brushing trial, She screamed at me, “I DON’T LIKE YOU ANY MORE! I DON’T LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU BRUSHED MY HAIR!” I just stopped and looked at her red, angry face and sadness pervaded my heart. I just had thought that about God. Why bother serving someone who hurts me? Why bother serving someone who has left me completely alone in life, fighting my battles in isolation. These past couple weeks, I have felt like I was in a battle for my soul and the darkness was starting to win. This morning, I did not see the point in living anymore BUT having someone scream at me, the exact thing I was screaming inside was quite a jolt.
Here she was, angry at ME because I was HELPING her.
Wait a second.
Maybe this whole time God has been “brushing my hair’. Getting the knots out of my life.
What is the end result of never brushing or washing your hair? You end up having to have it shaved off because it mats and all kinds of critters come and live in it. It becomes a stinking, smelling, “rat’s nest” (as my mom always said). Maybe God is pulling the knots out, as gently as He can, every day. Instead of letting it fester and get so bad that I loose everything that I hold dear. Instead of letting me get out of control, and spiral off the deep end, he is “brushing my hair out”. It’s a painful process at first, but if I let go and let Him do his work, eventually the pain will not be so bad, and I learn to do these things that He is having to do for me right now, on my own.
I told my daughter: “It doesn’t matter to me if you love me or not. I love you and I always will.” At that moment, I felt God saying the very thing to me.
Reblogged this on plantedbylivingwater and commented:
Amanda artfully describes how her daughter’s angry reaction to having her hair brushed exactly mirrored how Amanda had been feeling towards God and the lesson it taught her.
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Oh, wow. As a mom,grandma, and great-grandma, I can relate to everything you said here. I have been through some very hard things in life. But our merciful and loving Lord Jesus has brought so much good out of all the bad.
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